| Some Stupid Shit |
[13 Jul 2009|03:09am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Massive Attack - Teardrop |
] |
( I hate guys sometimes. )
|
|
| It's been years... But I am still here. :) |
[28 Jun 2009|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
refreshed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Garbage - So Like A Rose |
] |
Well, I suppose I should re-introduce myself. I am Crystal. Hehe. I am now 20 years old and have come back to livejournal. Myspace blogging has become somewhat of a turn off rather than a way to express myself privately. See, not many people know about this journal and everyone knows about the Myspace one. I don't want some people reading, but some people I write for. Many opinions unwelcomed, and some opinions needed. So as I play catch-up here within these first few entries... just sit back and realize so much more has happend. And I deeply regret not documenting my life events like I used to. So remember so so so so so much more has gone on in the last 3 years and some will never be known and only remembered by me. because hell, that's alot of updating to do. haha.
I will be re-writing journal entries from my own personal journal onto here. That may take a while and it may not, I don't write much anymore. But I also write alot when I do get a chance to. So let me get to it. :D
|
|
| Keep looking at me like that. I love it. |
[21 Jun 2009|01:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hot |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kid Cudi - Day 'N Night |
] |
There is life
And there is less
There's what I've got
And what I want to get
Reliving my old regrets, so
Don't mind my oggling, but
Do mind my yearning
Not natural, it is a hidden urge
But feels natural to satisfy
The one with the lips, the eyes
So for some, I have everything
But for me, I'm attracted like flies
Like sticky glue, like I said earlier today
Fragile Crystal Blue
And there is lifeless, soulless, and guiltless
I think that's where I am
Just not here. Not aware
Of what I may have, but what I want
I need something new
Reassuring my old regrets that
I will not keep quiet like i used to
I can chase too
And I think I want to chase you
to n.a. let's seduce each other.
I feel so desperate
Like I am trying too hard
I should just let things happen
But I know disaster is grump when it's hurried
But I want to hurry
|
|
| Not Doing Laundry this time - moved into my apt. |
[24 May 2009|11:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jars Of Clay - Fly |
] |
I'm sitting in the one apartment that I've hated the most at one time. A time when I had more and better. But now when I have none and nothing at all to call better, I must adjust. I hope no energies turn negative from this place in revenge for my former hatred. Hopefully I've grown to love it one day. If not then I've grown to thank it. Trying to make the best of it. Just trying.
My energy started out drained as I began and then it peaked and I got some things done. I want this place to be beautiful.
Now I'm writing and taking a break. I pray (even though I don't pray) that my future is bright.
I wanna go to school sooo bad. I can feel it deeply. The need to learn again, to keep my brain active. I feel a little run down from working so much. Everyday, just working.
Would be nice to just snap my fingers and find this place sparkling clean. If only I could... I know that easy but I see some hope here.
My relationship is going wonderful. No outside temptations or interuptions that I even blinked at. Focus is solely on us like it should've been in the first place.
The truth is you'll be okay, anyway.
- Regina Spektor
...
I'm so tired. A very real, authentic kind of tired. But in my head, it's saying that I haven't done enough. My brain is telling me that I need to stop writing and get moving, cleaning, and rearranging.
Oh by the way, I lost you, Journally, me thinks it has been over a month but don't know for sure. Thought you'd been gone forever I guess. But you were hiding in the bag with my PS2 I got for my birthday. Maybe I should get that out too.. Hmm.
I forgot to eat. I ate at work but that was around 1:30PM. Several hours ago. I wish Michael was here with me right now. I'm kind of lonely. But I think it's helping to be here with no internet, cable, or anything else I usually entertain myself with.
12AM MIDNIGHT
Temptations in those smiles, swaggers, and voices.
Two alike but so very unique.
What I like more is that I can overcome these giggles
And that realization that I've got
All that I need.
Can't seem to make myself get up and finish cleaning...so much to do...
|
|
| It's 3AM |
[28 Mar 2009|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thoughtful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Adele - Right As Rain |
] |
Recollection while I'm so collapsed
So tired but so awake
Energy drink doesn't deliver energy
Even though it promised a quake
A kind of long and drawn out state
Feels like I'm dreaming, takes me back
To those nights, I slept in my rings.
You know when I wore those rings
Made me feel a purpose, everything had a purpose
To those mornings waking up
With messy hair and smeared makeup
Recovering not-so-lost details
Of a few hours before
Only sleeping two hours, waking up in my car
Same clothes, same regret
Different victim every time
Because none of them ever mattered to me
They had no clue of how much
The first love meant to me
Apparently so great, they didn't mean a thing
New ones, old ones, and they all were bad
Notches in my belt, but nothing worth enough to be said
If I lost one, at first be upset
And then be glad
Waking up and looking to the side
Asleep as always, but I'm the 'guy' to flee
Gotta get home
It's been two hours since we made out at 3
The sun is out and that's what woke me
Look down and see
Red and sore fingers from my purposely set rings
|
|
| WHY? If I look so good.... |
[10 Feb 2009|10:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Alanis Morissette - Tapes |
] |
11AM
I understand appreciating beauty I know there are so many girls out there that are gorgeous. If he thinks I am one of those gorgeous and I am sooo "perfect" to him, appearance wise, why does he feel the need to look at other girls? And how can he blow of the fact that it bothers me? I feel today like the guy I thought was "not like that" is just like that. I feel today something that I have not felt in a long time, that I don't measure up. It makes me wanna do something to get his eyes back on me. Like I want to show him that other guys find me attractive so he does not lose his grip of me. When he's giving his opinion of other girls to his friend, why don't I cross his mind? Why doesn't the fact that he has me come back to me? Am I not that good? Am I not measuring up lately? or ever? I'm running late for work. Bye!
6:33PM
The perfect weather to run in. Writing while I'm driving. Haha. On my way to Kirby Park to run my furies and frustrations off. It's so windy and almost dark, but the cold wind is just crisp enough to help me feel rejuvenated. I'm parked and the wind is making my still car swat a little. Ready to run with my music lol.
7PM
Well, that was dumb. It's too cold so I couldn't handle it as long, but I ran like I told myself I would. It sucked balls running against the wind, but was cool running with it behind me. I think a little bit of that frustration has subsided. I think I am going to get home and change. Make myself pretty and got to Hastings or the Mall. i need to be seen. I need stares and smiles right now because I still feel really low.
|
|
| I hate assholes with huge ass vehicles. |
[09 Feb 2009|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Incubus - Pardon Me |
] |
I've had this journal thing for weeks now, yet I haven't had the urge to write in it at all. But when I do get that urge to just write - I'm busy or it just isn't available to me at the moment. Plus, I love typing much better than writing because my hand hurts already. Haha.
I'm doing laundry right now, and believe me, it's been a while. I don't do laundry often because I hate hauling up my huge amount of clothes and bringing them to the laundry mat. I finally got up off my ass though and that's where I'm at now.
Journally is your name. LOL! So Journally, I got you at Walden's Bookstore. They were closing and everything was good and cheap. hehe! So I got you!
Sometimes I wonder how much rich people enjoy their lives, you know? Do they just sit back and say "I love being rich!" or what? With their nose stuck up in the air and stuffed wallets, do they just ever have it bad? i wish I was rich. I hate having to worry about rent, bills, everything. Everything costs money. :( I'm sure they have their money worries, but they can't really ever know how it is to struggle paycheck to paycheck. I'm barely 19 (I'll be 20 in 24 days!) and I knew that feeling of struggling like that. I really dislike those old people who throw bills at you like they have a never-ending cashflow. Working in food service, I see alot of it. Or those young teens that walk in with credit cards or stand by as their parents pay for their expensive tastes. Ooh. Don't even get me started on rich, spoiled brats.
I wish could have a worry-free life and expensive tastes. I wish my family didn't have t struggle. I feel like I'm sounding like a little kid when I say these things but it's true. But I guess I'll play hand I've been dealt.
|
|
| Yessssssssss. |
[11 Jul 2006|10:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Third Eye Blind - Darwin |
] |
So much has happened since I last updated my livejournal. And all of it is happy. Finally some happy things have happened to me. After my dad died, then shortly after that my grandma died in mid April.. I wasn't sure when things would pick up again and when I would see some happiness other than in my own little world. But it did. I really wish I updated more often, every other day at least. I wish I had already jotted down my thoughts when I was feeling them the last month or so. I have a boyfriend now, finally. I hadn't had one since before I even came to San Angelo. It's a refreshing thing. And I picked a great guy to get me back on track. Michael; my best guy friend since February/March finally showed his interest in me openly after liking me since March. In the meantime, I had a small crush on him but deemed it as 'I wasn't his type'. But that was just my fear speaking. I was afraid of rejection and on May 26 I confronted that fear during a conversation we were having:
It was the last day of school. I only had to take one final, so I went for just went for that class to take it. After that class was over, I waited for Michael to get out of the following class because he had to take that final. I was waiting for him because he was my ride home since my mom had to work even though it was her day off. Well, during my wait I met up with a friend of Michael's and an aquaintance/friend of mine. We sat in the cafeteria just chatting and everything. He kind of hit on me, but I really didn't play into it and kind of ignored the wordless offer. I wasn't really interested in him, surprisingly, because I had my sights set on asking Michael to my cousin's graduation party the following day. We walked around the campus because he just happened to be waiting for Michael to get out of class, also. I think he needed a ride or something; can't remember. But anyway's we were in front of the cafeteria when we hear Michael behind us. I was releived that he finally had gotten out of class because it had gotten boring and this guy was kind of putting it on pretty heavy. I couldn't keep ignoring the passes. But anyway, he didn't need a ride by Michael so Michael and I took off. As we got in his truck, I realized that I didn't have my house key so there was no way to get in my house until my mom got home. So Michael and I went to his house and washed his truck. It was kind of odd being there in his backyard and washing his truck. I never do manual labor type of stuff, but I did this anyway. I played with his dogs and helped him dry the truck. I was sitting in the drivers seat while he was cleaning the inside of the truck on the passenger's side. Conversation led to his friend, Hector, who had lately been mentioning us as a couple and if Michael had asked me out yet. And that's when I said something before I thought about it. I usually think about what I'm about to say, but this time I said, without thinking, "Do you?" He paused and kind of froze. And he uttered a clueless 'Huh?" And I'm like "Do you want to, you know, date me?" He told me that he wouldn't mind, while he was scrubbing the truck nervously. I really put him on the spot. The conversation continued, with a little apprehensiveness and nervousness as we talked about how he didn't think I saw him that way.
We had been good friends during school but a few weeks before school ended, we went out to eat at Mr. Gaddy's together. We were supposed to go with a few other friends but either they didn't have any money or they didn't answer the phone, so it was just him and I alone for the evening. We ate at Mr. Gaddy's and played some video games and it was not awkward at all; we were just hanging out as friends. Afterwards we were still bored so we went to fuck around at Circuit City because he hadn't ever been there since it was built. And after that we stopped at the lilypad pond because I didn't want to go home yet. At that point it felt like a date already. I think we were both kind of feeling the awkwardness.
Anyway's.. the rest is history. We got together on May 26 and it's been a little over a month and we are going strong. And We are both very happy.
|
|
| Stuff |
[04 May 2006|03:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Trust Company - The Reflection |
] |
Maybe it's my hormones, but I woke up today feeling artistic and with the need to write.
Good news: I've been going to school. And ironically enough, I didn't go today. I feel like crap today and I slept all day with cramps and all that shit. Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.
Well, anyway. I've made alot of friends and stuff since actually attending school and I've finally gotten into the habit of going. That was the one thing that was ahrd to overcome. But I did it and I'm fucking proud. I'm off probation, so it's al lgood. Not that probation was a pain, anyway. Just met with someone once a month to tell her how things went. My probation lady seemed so proud of herself, too. She thinks she totally helped me get oer this school thing and probably thinks jail is the thing that made me actually go to school. Hell no. Jail did not scare me into going to school. Jail helped me see that alot of people don't give a shit about "life" things going on with some people. They didn't give a shit that my dad died and I'm angry about it. It's not fair. And I'm still angry. I'll probably always be angry about it. But I just try not to think of it. But my probation lady told me "Sometimes, these things end to where I don't know if the kid I tried to help is gonna end up. But I have great confidence I helped you." I mean. WTF. She did not help me, all se did was lecture me and make me angry. I told her I decided to go to school about a week before I went to jail. I made the decision then. Not after they sent me to a jail where I realized I've been moe sheltered from the world than I thought. And then, which makes me feel so thankful that I grew up having it so good. We were never rich. Not near. But I was a bit spoiled. But along with that, I had manners. I said "thank you" and "please". And I always meant them. I didn't take advantage of my parents so that they would spoil me so much I have everything I wanted. If they couldn't afford something at one time, then I got over it and waited. I grew up/am still growing up with a wonderful realtionship with my mom. We're closer than ever since my dad passed. And I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel so blessed that my mom is the way she is. I see kids my age sometimes talking about how their parents don't care, or are not there for them. I feel truely sad for them. I wish everyone was able to have a mom like I have. I really do.
Also, I'm going to summer school. I met with my (grief) couselor the other day who is also a school counselor at a junior high school. Her, my mom, and I went over my credits and made a plan that pretty much says that I'll graduate in two years. 2008. So, I'm just a year behind. I can live with that.
I was supposed to go to Irving in the summer for like a week. I met someone who've I've written about often, about two years ago. We made a plan to see each other this summer. It's not going to happen, I know it. Just wanting someoneto want made him have feelings for me. I knew they weren't that mutual. Because I still like him and I know he just hardly remembers me. We talked on the phone for about a month. Mostly when it was just convienient for him. I think he has a girlfriend now, but honestly I'm not that hurt. We are so alike that I can understand that he would take any opportunity that comes up with a girl. I would do the same if some guy asked me out. I would accept almost instantly, at this point.
I'm not nearly as quiet as I used to be. Which makes me kinda happy. I think I've evolved alot in the last few months. Got alot of guy friends, to say the least. I feel more comfortable with guys. And I'm not just saying that to be cool, like some girls say. "Oh, I hate girls, that's why I'm always hanging with the guys." and then you see them with like tons of girls. Shit, that's not me right now. I have two friends that are girls. The rest are guys.
I've been writing alot lately. I don't know why I write songs. I can't sing. But I do anyway.
And oddly enough, right now I feel that I have fulfilled the need to write. So, I'm done. Hopefully I'll write again, soon.
|
|
| Oh yeah, LJ. I forgot about you. |
[28 Mar 2006|07:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tori Amos - Siren |
] |
I know I haven't updated in a while. So much has happened. I don't really feel like writing in detail like I usually do. But anyways.
I went to jail.
It was fucking degrading and very much not necessary. It pisses me off that I went. See, in my last entry I talked about having to maybe go to JJC for truency. But since the court date was March 8 and my 17th birthday was Feb 26 I was old enough to go to jail. So they sent me. I was there from March 8.. that wednesday around 4PM 'till Saturday around the same time. It was hell and I don't even want to talk about it.
I am okay though. I'm pissed, but okay. And that's all that matters. It just hurts me because my mom was so worried for me. Judge Daniels just put more stress not only on me, but my mom. And that's something you just don't fucking do.
But it has passed and now it seems like some nightmare I had. But when I was in there it was real. It was scary and it was draining. I came out of it dehydrated, starving, and exhausted. Sure they had food. But I don't eat meat. I practically lived on small pieces of cornbread/regular bread. They had kool-aid and nasty tea. Breakfast at 5:30AM. Lunch at 11:30AM. Dinner at 5:30PM. And that's all.
One good thing that came out of it was my caffience problem. It's now over. I was addicted to caffeine (in soda form) since I was little. I would always get headaches from not having it and being there those three days.. no headache. I am now free of that certain addiction.. and I am so happy about it.
So anyways. I'm back on track. I'm going to school. And liking it. I actually dreaded the weekend. And I'm getting average grades. So yay me.
<3
|
|
| update |
[01 Mar 2006|12:07pm] |
I'm making a small update, so don't worry. Things have been okay. I'm seeing a conusnelor and I suppose it's helping. I got to court next wednesday to deal with this stupid judge again. They'll probably take me back in to JJC (Juvenile Justice Center) even though I'v already been there and am on probation to go to school. I've missed days and everyone in the school district is frustrated with me. I am okay though. Last week was a tough week and I think I had a breakdown. I won't go into details. I am stressed that I won't get credit for this semester and I've just kinda dug myself into a hole. I am wondering right now how do I get out.
It's going to be hard. When I'm in court, they make take me in handcuffs to the JJC. It's making me nervous because I've never been in trouble like this before. I am supposed to be a good girl. I hope I don't freak out. My mom is 100% behind me and is helping and supporting me. We fight sometimes but it's nothing extreme. I love her and I am glad I have her support. Shes always been by my side and it's a good relief because I know many kids out there dont have mothers around. And I know some mom's are totally neurotic and everything and I am glad I don't have that. I love my mom.
|
|
| Yayyyyy. |
[26 Feb 2006|07:13pm] |
|
Today's my birthday! :D
|
|
| What's going on. |
[01 Feb 2006|03:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ani DiFranco - Icarus |
] |
I'm going through a very rough time. Little 'ol me is in trouble with the law. I am backing into the corner and not being absent at school too much. I'm on probation, it's mild, but I got to court on March 8. I talked to the probation lady and she is getting fed up with me, as everyone else is. My teachers have given up on trying to get me caught up, I don't even ask anymore. My couselor was so in tune to help me but the last time I saw her (few weeks ago) she didn't seem interested. All people are telling me is "Go to school. Just go to school." I'm trying, I've been trying. It's so incredibly hard to get up in the morning. I feel like a dissapointment to my mom, and to myself. The probation lady had a talk with my mom and told me she thinks I'm depressed. She thinks I have low self esteem, and I do. I have denied the depression thing since I was 14. I went through a dark stage and thought myself to be depressed, but I wasn't. It was a phase. This is not a phase. I feel it deep within my heart, something weighing so much. I only feel this at home, though. When I am at school, I am happy. Or happy enough to just tolerate it. I just can't get up sometimes. I just feel like sleeping and dreaming in the safety of my own bed is way better than facing the world. I'm in grief couseling for the loss of my dad, and that lady thinks I'm depressed, too. I don't want to be, but I think I am. I thought that phase when I was 14 was depression, it wasn't near this. Not near. Yesterday I didn't go to school. My mom and I were supposed to go to couseling at 4pm but we canceled it. My mom didn't feel good and I couldn't get my hair right.
okaythat'sallbye.
|
|
| Weather |
[14 Dec 2005|12:03pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Natalie Merchant - San Andreas Fault |
] |
Today and yesterday's weather has been the best weather that I've seen in a long time. See, recently it's been deadly cold out and the coldness would hurt your nose and eyes. Yesterday and today has been cool, yet dark. Cloudy, as if it's going to rain, but it never does. Sometimes you can smell the rain and I love that fact. Today is cooler than yesterday, which is one reason I liked yesterday better. The air is wet, and not dry like it usually is here. It makes me breathe easier and this kind of coldness is the kind that can be tolerated. I feel really good when I'm outside. It's really refreshing. I wish it was like this more often. The deep thinker in me comes out more, way more.
|
|
| JUNG.test. |
[08 Dec 2005|01:18pm] |
Enneagram Test Results | Type 1 | Perfectionism | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Type 2 | Helpfulness | |||||| | 30% | | Type 3 | Image Awareness | |||||||||||||| | 60% | | Type 4 | Sensitivity | |||||||||||||| | 53% | | Type 5 | Detachment | |||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Type 6 | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Type 7 | Adventurousness | |||||||||| | 33% | | Type 8 | Aggressiveness | |||||| | 26% | | Type 9 | Calmness | |||||||||||||| | 60% | Your main type is 5 Your variant is self pres | Take Free Enneagram Personality Testpersonality tests by similarminds.com
|
|
| Sometimes I hate this Family |
[28 Nov 2005|11:50pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Regina Spektor - Ode To Divorce |
] |
I am back again to update with some nonsense that you obviously don't care about. I love jotting things down.
But anyway. I didn't go to school today (don't scold me, dammit). I totally crashed last night and all I remember is waking up at 10AM by the phone ringing. I didn't get to it in time but I saw that there were 10 messages on the answering machine. I'm thinking..."WTF?". As I check them I realize that it was a school day. And I'm thinking "Oh shit." But anyway. Anna, my cousin was supposed to pick me up and take me and left a message that she had been like banging on the door and honking to take me to school. I must sleep like a log (I do). I swear. I don't remember hearing anything. Another message was Olga (my cousin's life partner/girlfriend whatever you want to call her). She totally left a rude message that pissed me off. It was like "Crystal! Anna has been banging on the door all morning! If you're not going to school today, get up and answer the door and tell her!" Okay, now. That is damn rude. It pissed me the hell off. She probably thought I was like fucking hiding out in the house because I didn't want to go to school. I don't like her attitude. Okay, so I've had problems of staying home from school often. Very often. In the past. And you know what? I know about this problem. Why the hell do you think I've been going lately. I am over this. And I want to be present at school. Today I crashed. I had totally been taking alot of Aleve the previous days because of cramps. Am I to blame? Don't think so. It was a mistake. And they are idiots to be making shit out of it.
Okay I am too angry to type/concentrate, so I am ending this entry now.
|
|
| Welcome back, me! |
[14 Nov 2005|12:13pm] |
I am pretty damn back. Hopefully to update regularly (but I don't make any promises). So yeah, I'm still greiving but I'm trying to look on the positive side. The things that make me happy. One of my cats, Julian had FIP. An uncurrable disease and we had to put him to sleep. It's so hard because he was soo young (5 months) and I am really not shattered because I am not thinking about it. I am not thinking about my dad or Julian much lately, I'm tired of being sad. I AM sad, but I don't want to be. They are both still a part of me I will never forget but recently I have to focus. I am focusing on school (I've been 2 weeks in a row so far) and just being happy. TRying to be healthy but old eating habits get the best of me and I'm kind of failing there, but overall I have to be the backbone of my mom. She is fragile and I cannot afford to lose her. I know she thinks she's there for me, but I think I have to be there for her when she is down.
A stray feral that we feed (Calli/Mama Kitty) has had 5 kittens under our carport. They're under the riding lawn mower in the backyard now, but they are about almost 5 weeks. I'm glad she had them where they were accesible to us because we started touching them to get them used to us and our voices. I think we discovered them when they were about 2 and a half weeks. So now they're eating solid food and I'm trying to get in contact with some animal rescue places to see who will take them so they do not have to be strays. We can't afford feeding 7 cats plus 6 outside. It's too much. I have to call this lady Wednesday to arrange something or something. That's still pending.
So yeah. I am in CCR again and I have to go because they're bugging me about using the internet and not working on actual schook work. ;]
<33
-Crystal
|
|
| Eddie Guerrero died. |
[14 Nov 2005|12:07pm] |
|
I got the news the yesterday evening on some random forum. I really can't beleive it. I mean, yeah I don't know him, I don't know his family but it's pretty shocking. He had three kids. My dad just died so I know what they're going through. It's devastating. And they're all young so they might not understand it. Someone's idol is dead. Some little wrestling fan of 7 or 10 years is crushed. It's not fair. In no way is anybody going to shrug this off. I hate how some people assume famous people are some different species or something. This guy had family. Kids, a wife. They are without a dad, husband now. It's very eye-opening. More than the "oh, yeah he died. Oh, how sad." feeling. A life has dissappeared from this earth. This is just not fair.
|
|
| My dad died. |
[06 Oct 2005|08:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fiona Apple - The First Taste |
] |
This will be a quick update but..
My dad died around 8:30PM on Sept 30, 2005.
He was in a coma for almost 2 months. He wasn't expected to ever wake up. And if he was to, all he was able to do is open and close his eyes.
He was breathing on his own, with no help from machines. But he was a vegetable.
Me and my family decided that we couldn't have him like that. There was talk of moving him to a nursing home since he didn't need any respirator.
So we decided to remove his feeding tube. We were at the point where we wanted him to die. Two days after the feeding tube came out, he died. He got an infection in his lungs, caught pneumonia and died. As hard as this is, I know he wouldn't want to be in a hospital bed for the rest of his life. That wasn't even life.
The funeral was Tuesday. It was hard but, man, it was relieving. He is buried near his father and one of his brothers and I'm planning on visiting him a lot. I'm gonna miss him.
I love you, daddy.
|
|
| Dumb thing. |
[23 Sep 2005|02:56pm] |
|
Well, you know that little car with the bumpersticker has left the building. I didn;t see it today and I am missing it. My days are always so fiulled with routine and rut that I fail to enjoy the spontaneous. How sad.
Now this one's going to be about boys and walls. Boys are like walls like walls are like boys. I try talking to them, but all I get it a blank stare from the wall and a nervous laugh from a boy. That's fine. I nervous laugh too but that's about it. My thin is usually just zoning out and staring into nothing. Fine.
And I found that the above subject got a little boring. I could erase it but yeah I want you to read longer.
I was walking into a building. Schweitzer, to be exact. It's part of my school. mostly containing science-related classes. I walked into the bathroom, about to start that usual routine. I checked the stalls for one that is decently clean. They usually all suck. I came to the last one, clearly closed but open a little. I swooshed the door open and someone was in there. Okay you can laugh now. Don't giggle or chuckle, dammit. Just laugh out loud. Really loud. Come on, do it!
Okay, calm. The girl covered here hoo-ha and said "I'm in here." Well, duh, stupid. I mean, I know I made a mistake and should've looked under the thing to see her feet, but I assumed the way the door was slightly loose and a itty bitty bit open that it was unoccupied. So yeah, that was an embarrassing experience. Probably more so for her than for me.
Sadly, today I have nothing humorous to write about or anything that might slightly interest you besides my whole bathroom experience from above.
Here I am. In the library, skipping 7th period because I hate geometry and I fail to understand it. But I also fail to have the desire to understand it since I am not going down the career path that will need it. i am trying to look like I am working really hard.
Okay, I fail to have the desire to also comeplete this.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
theoddsareslim's journal
